Ask Naomi #1 How To Know If You Are In Love
Thursday, August 28, 2014 | 9:23 PM | 2 comments
If you don't already know, I've set up a new email where you guys could send me your problems and questions to ASKNAOMINEO@GMAIL.COM. Basically I will select one or more questions to reply anonymously on Thursdays.
Disclaimer - Not trying to say that I know it all or that I guarantee to give the best advices, but these opinions are just based on my personal experiences. And I sincerely hope I could help most of you by doing this.
Hence, please do not be offended if I were to say something that you don't feel the same towards. Everything I say here comes with no ill intentions. (I mean c'mon, I don't even know majority of these people who emailed me, personally.)
Without further ado, here's one question I chose to answer today.
Thank you so much for the support. It really melts my heart to know that there's actually someone out there who believes in me and supports me in the things I do.
Here's what I have to say with regard to your situation,
Firstly, I guess it was a good thing that the both of you weren't romantically involved in each other's lives, knowing that he was attached back then, cos it would've made things a lot messier.
Moving on, "I have this event and since his crew. was involved I texted him asking if he would be present. Instead of giving me an answer, he told me he just broke up with his girlfriend." From his rather "irrelevant" reply, I feel that he was definitely trying to hit on you. (Please note that this doesn't mean that he's serious about you.) I mean unless you guys have been conversing on a regular basis, that shouldn't be an "opening message" to someone. Informing you about his break up was a clear sign that he wanted you to know that he's single.
"Then we texted for a few days. Flirtatiously. I know this sounds...... 'cheap', he invited me to his home." Well, I wouldn't say you're cheap. After all, being young and inexperienced (as described from the earlier part of your email) it's inevitable to wanna explore and try things you haven't before. I guess by reciprocating to his request, it does seem that you show some interest in this guy as well.
"We only made out...... I don't know why but I felt really affected by this, I constantly this about him." Thinking of someone most of the time could just mean that they gave you something memorable to ponder on. Girls being girls, it's even more normal to be perpetually thinking, especially about a guy who made an impression in our lives. In your case, by giving you your first kiss.
"He hardly replies my text, this happens even before we made out..... He never starts the conversation and such." These two reasons alone are sufficient to prove that this guy is probably not that into you. With affection comes effort, if he doesn't feel the need to text you first (not even once).... Then as crude as this may sound, he doesn't need you in his life either.
All in all, it's human nature to feel attracted to the people we can't get or show us the least attention in most instances. The little sparks and butterflies in your tummy would sometimes get the better of you, leading you to think that you're in love when you're actually not. In other words, how you feel towards him now could possibly just be a moment of infatuation. Sometimes, we get carried away and our emotions get swayed by simple, yet temporary things. It's just like how we have crushes, but they may not necessarily be permanent. Today you're mesmerised by his charm, tomorrow you might fall head over heels for someone who's even better.
Often times, we conclude things way too fast before we could even settle down, compose ourselves and figure out how we really feel deep down.
I can't decide on your behalf whether or not you're "in love" with this guy, but I know such fuzzy feelings are hard to ignore. It's like an irresistible temptation that keeps you wanting more. My advice to you is that you should just cut him off entirely (don't even bother being friends, cause trust me, it's gonna confuse you further) Don't even bother wasting your time. Leave, and if he comes back you know he's true. However, don't ever wait in hope that he will come back for you. After all, as the old saying goes, expectations lead to disappointments.
The problem with most people is that they "give it a try" too many times before they finally realise it's not working out and by then; with more memories, attachment and feelings, it's gonna be a lot harder to leave. So leave while you could.
Since it's your first time, just take it easy! It's fine to "not have an ex" If your friends judge you for that, be like...
And don't ever find a guy who uses you as a substitute for his loss, if he could go right to you after his break up, you can't assure he won't do the same to you!
Anyway, all these are just how I feel and what I would do if I were you. You'd have to make the final call whether to stay on or not. After all, I don't know who he is and how he is like and I may be wrong.
Whatever it is,
But yeap! I hope you'd get to see this and I'd be glad if it helps. :)
Best of luck!
Send in your questions today to ASKNAOMINEO@GMAIL.COM.