|
Breaking point.
Dear diary, or in this case, blog,
I've tried so hard to be strong, but how strong can one stay when it seems like the whole world is against me, and I'm probably in this alone? How many times can one choose to ignore, when such awful remarks are thrown at me every single day?
My school holiday has just started not long ago, and I was extremely elated at the idea of it, cos I felt like it's one of my most well-deserved break. I've been working my ass off for the first 4 months since the start of the year, and honestly, I'd swear upon my life that it's definitely not easy to juggle both my career, and school life simultaneously.
And just when I thought that I could finally ease my mind off my hectic school life, the very next moment, it feels like I've stepped into living hell.
Every single day since the start of the month, I'd receive an average of 200 tweets/comments from my haters. Sure, it's nothing new. I've been exposed to social media since a really young age, and already had a handful of haters back then. However, I feel like people tend to neglect the fact that I'm still human after all. I still have feelings, I still cry and feel lonely, I still get hurt.
I'm aware that every time I choose to publicise something on the internet, I've to face the repercussions that follow. I'm not saying that I shouldn't have haters, because wherever there's love, there are bound to be hate, but I've never understood what have I ever done to deserve so much hate from people all around the country.
Why does it feel like it's just me? Just me that everyone has to pick on every single day, and just me that everyone's against?
I'm just an eighteen year old, trying to scrape through the woes of my everyday life. Yes, eighteen. I'm still young, but that shouldn't be the reason why I can't have a say in the things I feel strongly for. So much that I've to be hated on for every single thing I do?
Have you ever hated school so much because you feel like you just can't fit in anywhere, and that no one likes you, so staying at home was the only way to make you feel safe? Well, in my case, it feels like I don't even feel secure at home.
Every morning, I wake up with new things these "innovators" come up with, things that I don't even know about myself.
Some say that I am strong, strong for being able to be survive until this day, despite the overwhelming number of people trying to bring me down. I won't deny that I get over things really quickly, and it isn't hard for me to get back up on my feet, because of the burning desire I have to succeed in whatever I'm doing.
I wouldn't blame you haters for your callous disregard for my feelings, because you don't even know me, but since you don't, why do you hate me so badly? So much that you can say things like, "I wish you disappeared from this world."
What have I done to you? Nothing! Over the years, I'm pretty sure I've never done anything to hurt anyone, or at least, to any of the people who have such strong detestation towards me, in order to receive this in return.
I'm filled with bitter indignation at having to face all these undeserving abhorrence this society has against me.
I hardly confide in my friends whenever these problems arise, because I hate making my problems someone else's burden, but on days I do, because I really need to... I just get replies like, "Just ignore," "Cheer up" or sometimes, even short lectures. When all I really need is for someone to tell me that they know who I truly am, and to reassure me that they'll never be wavered by what my haters say.
Yes, I strongly agree that all that the haters want, is to piss me off and to grab my attention, but as dumb as it is to give them what they want, it's really hard to ignore them as well. We all have our own limits.
I did mention that the haters don't matter, and yes, call me ironic or a walking contradiction, but to a certain extent, I DO FEEL IT. Unless you've been in my position before, you've no rights to tell me that I'm overreacting.
From hate comments, to hate accounts, to hate blogs/videos, and most recently, circulating an obnoxious image of a couple in bed. (which people are presuming the girl to be me.)
Quoting from Gossip Girl, "you're no one until you're talked about." Yeah, that seems rather comforting, since I'm probably the talk of the town at this moment.
Question is, do I enjoy it? NO.
But like I've said a zillion times, I wouldn't deny that I love attention, because that's the only way to survive in this industry. And to be successful, you've to be the person people never get sick of talking about. However, friends who know me should be aware that I hate unnecessary attention, so much that I'd take down anything I've posted even if it has garnered (example) a million likes or views. Of course, unless I have to post something which my job requires me to, for advertising/work purposes.
I've mentioned this before, and I'm not afraid to say it again, but I do edit my pictures. Not all the time, but I do. I don't get what's with hate accounts trying to "expose" me, when I already admitted it previously.
Not because I'm extremely insecure about myself, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to look better, even if it's just on the internet, right?
You can say that I'm deceiving the whole world, but haven't you heard that half the things you see online, aren't true? Including the rumours about me that you try to fabricate?
Then again, there are a million people who photoshops their pictures, who don't even disclose that they do, SO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO JUST TARGET ME?! Do I create that much of an impact in some of your lives, that I actually evoke such strong emotions within you people, to be worthy of that much of your time and effort?
Isn't it amazing?
It does hurt me at times, but it goes away as soon as I realise how unworthy of my time these people are, but what bothers me is how unfairly treated I am. Yes, perhaps that's how some people feel towards me as well, that it's unfair how much attention I get even though I'm not the prettiest, hottest, most attractive girl in the country.
But isn't that the point? Sometimes, appearance alone isn't everything.
I've seen people going like, "She's only popular because of her looks, but she's not even that pretty to begin with, so why is she even known? I've seen better girls out there."
Well, fact is, if my physical appearance was really the reason why people know me, then I'm pretty sure I'd have long been replaced, considering the number of better-looking people there are.
Anyway, that's irrelevant. The point is, yeah I do have a choice. To put myself out there, or to just lead a normal life, but it's NOT my choice that people are giving me this attention, so if you say that I got myself into this, fine, but don't blame me for something that's not within my circle of control.
I know it may appear to some of you that I'm focusing too much on my haters, and that I don't appreciate the love I get from people... I do. Once in awhile, I get really sweet messages from my readers that touch my heart, and I've always wanted to meet them in real life to thank them personally if I ever had a chance.
I really do appreciate them, and it's extremely heartwarming whenever I see some of them standing up for me, even though we're complete strangers. And you can tell because I only write such a post to my haters probably once a year or once every few years, however, I do make a constant effort to reply my readers as and when I could.
Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, there are times where I just wanna forgo my whole career I've built up so far over the past few years, but it's because of the people who love me that gives me the motivation to press on. The people who are inspired by the things I say and do, the people who love me for who I am. Obviously, the income I get plays a part as well, after all, it feels good to break free from the support of my parents.
However, it gets so tiring. It never ends. Every time I think that there can't be anything worse, cos whatever's going on is already bad enough, that people are gonna get tired of talking... All of a sudden, something new pops up and creates an even bigger mess.
Most of us have haters, and it's absolutely normal, but even the strongest person have their weakest moment. It's just a matter of whether they choose to show it to the world, or not.
I believe, despite writing this, I'd still have a bunch of heartless creatures telling me that I'm just trying to earn the sympathy of majority or gain more attention. Nope, cos I don't need someone to tell me how pitiful I am now, and to feel sorry for me. Neither is this post all about wallowing in self-pity. I just need to get all these troubles off my chest. As simple as that.
So what if I do a good deed everyday? Does anyone care? Cos all I see now is society hating me for the most superficial things.
You can go on with the allegations. I've said what I wanted to, and if you still find the need to hate me for the hundred and one reasons you persuade yourself with, go ahead. I'm done.
Labels: Rants
Breaking point.
Dear diary, or in this case, blog,
I've tried so hard to be strong, but how strong can one stay when it seems like the whole world is against me, and I'm probably in this alone? How many times can one choose to ignore, when such awful remarks are thrown at me every single day?
My school holiday has just started not long ago, and I was extremely elated at the idea of it, cos I felt like it's one of my most well-deserved break. I've been working my ass off for the first 4 months since the start of the year, and honestly, I'd swear upon my life that it's definitely not easy to juggle both my career, and school life simultaneously.
And just when I thought that I could finally ease my mind off my hectic school life, the very next moment, it feels like I've stepped into living hell.
Every single day since the start of the month, I'd receive an average of 200 tweets/comments from my haters. Sure, it's nothing new. I've been exposed to social media since a really young age, and already had a handful of haters back then. However, I feel like people tend to neglect the fact that I'm still human after all. I still have feelings, I still cry and feel lonely, I still get hurt.
I'm aware that every time I choose to publicise something on the internet, I've to face the repercussions that follow. I'm not saying that I shouldn't have haters, because wherever there's love, there are bound to be hate, but I've never understood what have I ever done to deserve so much hate from people all around the country.
Why does it feel like it's just me? Just me that everyone has to pick on every single day, and just me that everyone's against?
I'm just an eighteen year old, trying to scrape through the woes of my everyday life. Yes, eighteen. I'm still young, but that shouldn't be the reason why I can't have a say in the things I feel strongly for. So much that I've to be hated on for every single thing I do?
Have you ever hated school so much because you feel like you just can't fit in anywhere, and that no one likes you, so staying at home was the only way to make you feel safe? Well, in my case, it feels like I don't even feel secure at home.
Every morning, I wake up with new things these "innovators" come up with, things that I don't even know about myself.
Some say that I am strong, strong for being able to be survive until this day, despite the overwhelming number of people trying to bring me down. I won't deny that I get over things really quickly, and it isn't hard for me to get back up on my feet, because of the burning desire I have to succeed in whatever I'm doing.
I wouldn't blame you haters for your callous disregard for my feelings, because you don't even know me, but since you don't, why do you hate me so badly? So much that you can say things like, "I wish you disappeared from this world."
What have I done to you? Nothing! Over the years, I'm pretty sure I've never done anything to hurt anyone, or at least, to any of the people who have such strong detestation towards me, in order to receive this in return.
I'm filled with bitter indignation at having to face all these undeserving abhorrence this society has against me.
I hardly confide in my friends whenever these problems arise, because I hate making my problems someone else's burden, but on days I do, because I really need to... I just get replies like, "Just ignore," "Cheer up" or sometimes, even short lectures. When all I really need is for someone to tell me that they know who I truly am, and to reassure me that they'll never be wavered by what my haters say.
Yes, I strongly agree that all that the haters want, is to piss me off and to grab my attention, but as dumb as it is to give them what they want, it's really hard to ignore them as well. We all have our own limits.
I did mention that the haters don't matter, and yes, call me ironic or a walking contradiction, but to a certain extent, I DO FEEL IT. Unless you've been in my position before, you've no rights to tell me that I'm overreacting.
From hate comments, to hate accounts, to hate blogs/videos, and most recently, circulating an obnoxious image of a couple in bed. (which people are presuming the girl to be me.)
Quoting from Gossip Girl, "you're no one until you're talked about." Yeah, that seems rather comforting, since I'm probably the talk of the town at this moment.
Question is, do I enjoy it? NO.
But like I've said a zillion times, I wouldn't deny that I love attention, because that's the only way to survive in this industry. And to be successful, you've to be the person people never get sick of talking about. However, friends who know me should be aware that I hate unnecessary attention, so much that I'd take down anything I've posted even if it has garnered (example) a million likes or views. Of course, unless I have to post something which my job requires me to, for advertising/work purposes.
I've mentioned this before, and I'm not afraid to say it again, but I do edit my pictures. Not all the time, but I do. I don't get what's with hate accounts trying to "expose" me, when I already admitted it previously.
Not because I'm extremely insecure about myself, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to look better, even if it's just on the internet, right?
You can say that I'm deceiving the whole world, but haven't you heard that half the things you see online, aren't true? Including the rumours about me that you try to fabricate?
Then again, there are a million people who photoshops their pictures, who don't even disclose that they do, SO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO JUST TARGET ME?! Do I create that much of an impact in some of your lives, that I actually evoke such strong emotions within you people, to be worthy of that much of your time and effort?
Isn't it amazing?
It does hurt me at times, but it goes away as soon as I realise how unworthy of my time these people are, but what bothers me is how unfairly treated I am. Yes, perhaps that's how some people feel towards me as well, that it's unfair how much attention I get even though I'm not the prettiest, hottest, most attractive girl in the country.
But isn't that the point? Sometimes, appearance alone isn't everything.
I've seen people going like, "She's only popular because of her looks, but she's not even that pretty to begin with, so why is she even known? I've seen better girls out there."
Well, fact is, if my physical appearance was really the reason why people know me, then I'm pretty sure I'd have long been replaced, considering the number of better-looking people there are.
Anyway, that's irrelevant. The point is, yeah I do have a choice. To put myself out there, or to just lead a normal life, but it's NOT my choice that people are giving me this attention, so if you say that I got myself into this, fine, but don't blame me for something that's not within my circle of control.
I know it may appear to some of you that I'm focusing too much on my haters, and that I don't appreciate the love I get from people... I do. Once in awhile, I get really sweet messages from my readers that touch my heart, and I've always wanted to meet them in real life to thank them personally if I ever had a chance.
I really do appreciate them, and it's extremely heartwarming whenever I see some of them standing up for me, even though we're complete strangers. And you can tell because I only write such a post to my haters probably once a year or once every few years, however, I do make a constant effort to reply my readers as and when I could.
Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, there are times where I just wanna forgo my whole career I've built up so far over the past few years, but it's because of the people who love me that gives me the motivation to press on. The people who are inspired by the things I say and do, the people who love me for who I am. Obviously, the income I get plays a part as well, after all, it feels good to break free from the support of my parents.
However, it gets so tiring. It never ends. Every time I think that there can't be anything worse, cos whatever's going on is already bad enough, that people are gonna get tired of talking... All of a sudden, something new pops up and creates an even bigger mess.
Most of us have haters, and it's absolutely normal, but even the strongest person have their weakest moment. It's just a matter of whether they choose to show it to the world, or not.
I believe, despite writing this, I'd still have a bunch of heartless creatures telling me that I'm just trying to earn the sympathy of majority or gain more attention. Nope, cos I don't need someone to tell me how pitiful I am now, and to feel sorry for me. Neither is this post all about wallowing in self-pity. I just need to get all these troubles off my chest. As simple as that.
So what if I do a good deed everyday? Does anyone care? Cos all I see now is society hating me for the most superficial things.
You can go on with the allegations. I've said what I wanted to, and if you still find the need to hate me for the hundred and one reasons you persuade yourself with, go ahead. I'm done.
Labels: Rants
ABOUT ME
Hey there! I share about anything and everything here. You can choose to leave, but I think you should get to know me a little more before you pass your judgement. Check out my FAQ section if it helps.
Who are you?
I'm Naomi, better known as Naomi Neo, and I'm born on the 25th of January 1996. I don't have any siblings, but I'm grateful to have the best parents in the world, who love me unconditionally, and a best friend Trixy who's been there for me for the past 5 years. Currently titled as the youngest "Celebrity Blogger" under my management, Gushcloud - With approximately 124k likes & followers on my Facebook profile and page, 80k followers on twitter and 116k on Instagram currently.
What are you known for?
Honestly, I've no idea what am I known for in majority's eyes, but here's what I presume and hope to be recognised for - I've been writing on all my social platforms since 2009, and got kind of known from writing my thoughts and views on Facebook. My first blog post that went viral was an entry dedicated to my good friend back then, titled "Mothers," in late 2010. Noticing the positive results, I decided to take blogging a little more seriously in 2011. Since then, I've been told that my posts were relatable and inspiring to many, which hence, got me to where I am today.
How well to do is your family? You seem rather spoilt.
I think I'm just average and if you think I'm wealthy rich and spoilt, you're so wrong. I mean yes, my parents do pamper me cos I'm the only child, but I've never taken their money since 2013. And I pay for all my clothes, accessories, make up and 90% of my daily necessities from the money I earn.
What are your stats?
I'm a UK 4 or 6, I've been stuck between 38kg - 40kg. Since I've never really talked about my height, you can deduce I'm exceptionally short and I'm not proud of it - So if you know it, good for you. If you don't, too bad I'm not revealing it. :p
Are you single?
Yes I am. My last relationship was in 2013, and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.
Do you photoshop your pictures?
No, I don't. Cos I honestly have no idea how to use that crazily complexed software. Ok, it's not very complicated I suppose. I'm just god damn lazy. I only use it to design my texts etc. However, I've been using PicMonkey to edit my pictures. Yeah I know, the main question's still back to whether I "beautify" myself or not. Er, I've no idea what's up with people constantly harping on this issue. The last time I claimed that I don't, was probably in 2012 (which I really didn't back then) But along the way, I figured it was necessary to "upgrade" myself and learn how to. If I can't do plastic surgery, at least make my pictures look chio what. If you know how to, question is, WHY NOT? And, don't you guys wanna see nice pictures too?!?! However I'd like to emphasise that - I do not beautify myself in all my pictures. I only do so when I feel the need to. And 3/4 of the time, I only make adjustments to my gigantic, elephant legs WHICH I admit, I'm very insecure about. So don't tell me my legs are damn nice la, cos some pictures are deceiving. Anyway, I've tons of videos everywhere... Judge for yourself?
Did you have any plastic surgery done?
No I didn't. Firstly, I could not afford to. Secondly, even if I do have the money, my parents are definitely not open to the idea. Thirdly, if I have the money and my parents' consent... OH PLEASE, I would have made myself look a zillion times better than how I am now. So some of you may ask, why is it that I have parallel eyelids. I've mentioned this before, but since some of you are too lazy to find out the truth - Fyi, I am born with double eyelids to begin with, I just wanted to have parallel instead of tapered eyelids. And in case you're really sensitive about it, I'm not saying tapered's not nice... It's just personal preference. In case you don't know what I'm talking about...
So yeah, I tried using eyelid tapes for about 6 months in 2011, and miraculously, have permanent parallel lids since then. I think I'm really lucky. Why do I say so? Cos it doesn't work for everyone.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Are you insecure about your looks?
Yes I am, to a certain extent. I believe you would too, if you have a hundred people reminding you about your flaws every single day. But the thing is, I love myself. So I've accepted that's it's fine not to be perfect.
Do you think you're attention seeking?
Most ridiculous question ever. My question to you is, are you not? This is probably my millionth time saying this, but I think everyone seeks for attention. The only thing that differentiates each of us would be the miles we would travel for it. From a level of - I want attention to Kim Kardashian, it's just a matter of fact how much you want it. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you're doing something despicable, and harming someone to your own benefits. Besides, no matter how much I love it - It may sound ironic, but I hate unnecessary attention. I only like it when it's for something I worked hard to gain. If you know me well enough, I'm not the kind who would go nude just to get myself to where I want. (Just an example)
How do you deal with your haters?
I've been receiving nasty comments since the day I had a blog, in 2007. I've seen the worst, and it came to a point where it amuses me, because I actually get to find out things I didn't know about myself. I used to care so much, I would cry myself to bed on most nights and I even had issues stepping out of my house at a period of time. However, it took me years to realise how stupid it is to reciprocate to what people who don't me have to say, especially stories/rumours they fabricate. I'm fine with constructive criticisms because I've learnt to take it the positive way - Helping me to improve and get better. Of course it still pisses me off at times when I see untrue stuff about me circulated around by my haters, and I'd either ignore it (if it's nothing too serious) or address it, in other words, stand up for myself (if I find a need to.) And when I ignore it, I don't look at it in a way where I'm a coward or I admit to it - I just find it a waste of time to acknowledge the existence of these people, when most of them are just dying to get my response from their juvenile remarks. Yet when I retaliate, (which I rarely do these days) I only do so when something's getting out of hand. Like if it's tarnishing my reputation or sort. After all, I'm a girl. And I wouldn't "just ignore it" if it affects my name. If I don't stand up for myself, who would? Then again, I don't think that means I care about my haters - I just care about myself enough to want to shut your mouth. Besides, I can stop 1, 2 or 3 people from talking about me, but how many times can I do so? Fact is, you can't please everyone. So it's either you focus on what you have, or waste your life by dwelling on what you don't. And for those friends who decided to leave and hate me for what others have to say? Here's a big... THANK YOU. Haha, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have realised who my real friends were.
Do you think you deserve what you have now?
Honestly, I've always felt that I don't in a way, cos of how affected I used to be about what people have to say - "There are better looking people out there," "You are not good enough!" etc. However, I've came to a realisation that it's impossible to be the best. Cos there will always be someone better, no matter how good you think you are. And as long as I think I've done my best, I don't see why I don't deserve to be where I am today. I've worked so hard for the things I have, and it's not like everything I have is an overnight success. So too bad if you beg to differ and think that a) I'm only here due to my looks, which I think is completely senseless, cos if it was just about my looks, I wouldn't have been around after so long - Taking into consideration, the ever-rising number of good-looking people there are today. b) it's bcos of what I write, cos I definitely won't claim to be the best writer. Somehow it's still a mystery to me why people still read my blog until today. c) and it's probably cos you don't know me well enough. I definitely agree that someone out there deserves this so much more than I do, but I guess it's true that life's unfair, and I'm sorry I have no control over it.
Fan mails, personal questions, or need an advice?
Contact me at asknaomineo@gmail.com
|
