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Untitled.
Thursday, December 26, 2013 | 12:54 AM | 0 comments
This isn't the first time I'm actually feeling this down, but it sucks because everything took place over Christmas eve and the actual day itself. I hardly share much about my personal issues online, but I feel desperately in need to share how I feel right now.
I always remind myself that true friends are hard to come by, and especially with my social status... I'm more than grateful to those who are still with me until today. What's the point of having five thousand friends on Facebook, when I probably can't even name 5 people who I could confidently call my true friends.
Disclaimer - As much as I think I'm really pathetic, I'm not writing this in exchange for any of your sympathy, but I honestly can't think of anyone to speak to at the moment... After all, it's Christmas, I'm pretty sure no one would wanna spend this joyous day listening to my rants.
Besides, I hate sharing with people just cos I hate it when they feel obligated to listen. I hate being a burden.
I would never dare to title myself as "the greatest friend" anyone could ever have, but I'd blatantly claim to be when it comes to you.
Sometimes, I ask myself... How forgiving could one ever be? I've no idea who could've accepted you for the things you've done, the same way I did for the past couple of years.
I'm not here to act all magnanimous, neither am I writing this make you feel bad, so I think there isn't a need to talk about the things that happened in depth.
The only thing I have in mind right now is the question, "why?"
I don't understand, why am I still here until today.
Time and again, I convince myself that you've been a really good friend just because you will try your best to be there when I need someone to talk to, and that you're still here despite my status.
It's not my intentions to weigh it all out, but this time I got slapped in the face by the cold, hard truth... Maybe anyone could be there when I need someone to talk to, so after all, what's so special about us?
For years, I hear people like you telling me the same old line, "You mean so much to me, I can't afford to lose you." Oh, really?
What have you done out of utmost sincerity, to make me stay? Do I really mean that much to you, or are you just saying it for the sake of patronising me?
I always tell myself that maybe I'm expecting too much from some people, maybe I'm putting my own standards of how a "good friend" should be, on them.
It's like, I know if it was me, I would do this and that for them, but when they don't... I feel disappointed.
Then again, I don't really think I'm expecting a lot from you. After all the things I've done for you, I've never asked you for anything than a little time and commitment.
I've never mind the fact that you had to share your time between me and your other friends, I'm cool that you can never be able to give me your undivided attention...
But even when you're with me, it feels like you're only physically around, your mind and soul's wandering off.
The worst part is, I've kept mum about it for so long, but this time round... It was my breaking point.
I love you so much that I'd never wanna put you in a position where you'd have suffer the pain of having to pick one out of the both of us, but in my head, it feels like I already have an answer.
I'm not exactly assuming, cos you've proven me right countlessly.
We're so over that phase, there's no need to go all "unfriend you" and shit, but I've came to a point where... I'm starting to question if leaving would make me happier.
I've never wanted to, and I've perpetually told myself to stay bcos of those few reasons, when I probably have a million more on why I should leave.
I'm the kind who'd rather stick with the same old person for years than to find someone new and start all over again, I'm really afraid it might've reached a point where you're irreplaceable.
I don't need your apology. Like I said, I'm not writing this to make you feel bad, but this is how I truly feel.
-
Sometimes, we choose to stay just cos we're so afraid we can't find someone else like that particular person, even though it's killing us alive. However, maybe it's only when you leave, where you realise how much better your life could actually be without them, and be able to find the real you back, just cos you kept trying to change yourself while you're with them.
I'm sorry I don't have many friends, I'm sorry that's why I get easily attached to people I'm close with even though I try my best not to, I'm sorry that's when I'll start to give you my best and hope you'd stay for good, I'm sorry I can't accept it when people I love leave, I'm sorry if I'm not good enough even after all that I've done.
You know, the worst part of feeling upset is perhaps wondering if the other party bothers as much as you do.
This is so devastating.
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Anyway, from this, you guys can probably conclude that I didn't have a really good Christmas, and therefore have no pictures to share.
I really hope all of you enjoyed yourself though. Love.
P/s I'm talking about two friends here, one in particular... In case it sounded like I was talking about a guy I'm dating or sort.
Labels: Rants, Views
Untitled.
Thursday, December 26, 2013 | 12:54 AM | 0comments
This isn't the first time I'm actually feeling this down, but it sucks because everything took place over Christmas eve and the actual day itself. I hardly share much about my personal issues online, but I feel desperately in need to share how I feel right now.
I always remind myself that true friends are hard to come by, and especially with my social status... I'm more than grateful to those who are still with me until today. What's the point of having five thousand friends on Facebook, when I probably can't even name 5 people who I could confidently call my true friends.
Disclaimer - As much as I think I'm really pathetic, I'm not writing this in exchange for any of your sympathy, but I honestly can't think of anyone to speak to at the moment... After all, it's Christmas, I'm pretty sure no one would wanna spend this joyous day listening to my rants.
Besides, I hate sharing with people just cos I hate it when they feel obligated to listen. I hate being a burden.
I would never dare to title myself as "the greatest friend" anyone could ever have, but I'd blatantly claim to be when it comes to you.
Sometimes, I ask myself... How forgiving could one ever be? I've no idea who could've accepted you for the things you've done, the same way I did for the past couple of years.
I'm not here to act all magnanimous, neither am I writing this make you feel bad, so I think there isn't a need to talk about the things that happened in depth.
The only thing I have in mind right now is the question, "why?"
I don't understand, why am I still here until today.
Time and again, I convince myself that you've been a really good friend just because you will try your best to be there when I need someone to talk to, and that you're still here despite my status.
It's not my intentions to weigh it all out, but this time I got slapped in the face by the cold, hard truth... Maybe anyone could be there when I need someone to talk to, so after all, what's so special about us?
For years, I hear people like you telling me the same old line, "You mean so much to me, I can't afford to lose you." Oh, really?
What have you done out of utmost sincerity, to make me stay? Do I really mean that much to you, or are you just saying it for the sake of patronising me?
I always tell myself that maybe I'm expecting too much from some people, maybe I'm putting my own standards of how a "good friend" should be, on them.
It's like, I know if it was me, I would do this and that for them, but when they don't... I feel disappointed.
Then again, I don't really think I'm expecting a lot from you. After all the things I've done for you, I've never asked you for anything than a little time and commitment.
I've never mind the fact that you had to share your time between me and your other friends, I'm cool that you can never be able to give me your undivided attention...
But even when you're with me, it feels like you're only physically around, your mind and soul's wandering off.
The worst part is, I've kept mum about it for so long, but this time round... It was my breaking point.
I love you so much that I'd never wanna put you in a position where you'd have suffer the pain of having to pick one out of the both of us, but in my head, it feels like I already have an answer.
I'm not exactly assuming, cos you've proven me right countlessly.
We're so over that phase, there's no need to go all "unfriend you" and shit, but I've came to a point where... I'm starting to question if leaving would make me happier.
I've never wanted to, and I've perpetually told myself to stay bcos of those few reasons, when I probably have a million more on why I should leave.
I'm the kind who'd rather stick with the same old person for years than to find someone new and start all over again, I'm really afraid it might've reached a point where you're irreplaceable.
I don't need your apology. Like I said, I'm not writing this to make you feel bad, but this is how I truly feel.
-
Sometimes, we choose to stay just cos we're so afraid we can't find someone else like that particular person, even though it's killing us alive. However, maybe it's only when you leave, where you realise how much better your life could actually be without them, and be able to find the real you back, just cos you kept trying to change yourself while you're with them.
I'm sorry I don't have many friends, I'm sorry that's why I get easily attached to people I'm close with even though I try my best not to, I'm sorry that's when I'll start to give you my best and hope you'd stay for good, I'm sorry I can't accept it when people I love leave, I'm sorry if I'm not good enough even after all that I've done.
You know, the worst part of feeling upset is perhaps wondering if the other party bothers as much as you do.
This is so devastating.
-
Anyway, from this, you guys can probably conclude that I didn't have a really good Christmas, and therefore have no pictures to share.
I really hope all of you enjoyed yourself though. Love.
P/s I'm talking about two friends here, one in particular... In case it sounded like I was talking about a guy I'm dating or sort.
Labels: Rants, Views
ABOUT ME
Hey there! I share about anything and everything here. You can choose to leave, but I think you should get to know me a little more before you pass your judgement. Check out my FAQ section if it helps.
Who are you?
I'm Naomi, better known as Naomi Neo, and I'm born on the 25th of January 1996. I don't have any siblings, but I'm grateful to have the best parents in the world, who love me unconditionally, and a best friend Trixy who's been there for me for the past 5 years. Currently titled as the youngest "Celebrity Blogger" under my management, Gushcloud - With approximately 124k likes & followers on my Facebook profile and page, 80k followers on twitter and 116k on Instagram currently.
What are you known for?
Honestly, I've no idea what am I known for in majority's eyes, but here's what I presume and hope to be recognised for - I've been writing on all my social platforms since 2009, and got kind of known from writing my thoughts and views on Facebook. My first blog post that went viral was an entry dedicated to my good friend back then, titled "Mothers," in late 2010. Noticing the positive results, I decided to take blogging a little more seriously in 2011. Since then, I've been told that my posts were relatable and inspiring to many, which hence, got me to where I am today.
How well to do is your family? You seem rather spoilt.
I think I'm just average and if you think I'm wealthy rich and spoilt, you're so wrong. I mean yes, my parents do pamper me cos I'm the only child, but I've never taken their money since 2013. And I pay for all my clothes, accessories, make up and 90% of my daily necessities from the money I earn.
What are your stats?
I'm a UK 4 or 6, I've been stuck between 38kg - 40kg. Since I've never really talked about my height, you can deduce I'm exceptionally short and I'm not proud of it - So if you know it, good for you. If you don't, too bad I'm not revealing it. :p
Are you single?
Yes I am. My last relationship was in 2013, and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.
Do you photoshop your pictures?
No, I don't. Cos I honestly have no idea how to use that crazily complexed software. Ok, it's not very complicated I suppose. I'm just god damn lazy. I only use it to design my texts etc. However, I've been using PicMonkey to edit my pictures. Yeah I know, the main question's still back to whether I "beautify" myself or not. Er, I've no idea what's up with people constantly harping on this issue. The last time I claimed that I don't, was probably in 2012 (which I really didn't back then) But along the way, I figured it was necessary to "upgrade" myself and learn how to. If I can't do plastic surgery, at least make my pictures look chio what. If you know how to, question is, WHY NOT? And, don't you guys wanna see nice pictures too?!?! However I'd like to emphasise that - I do not beautify myself in all my pictures. I only do so when I feel the need to. And 3/4 of the time, I only make adjustments to my gigantic, elephant legs WHICH I admit, I'm very insecure about. So don't tell me my legs are damn nice la, cos some pictures are deceiving. Anyway, I've tons of videos everywhere... Judge for yourself?
Did you have any plastic surgery done?
No I didn't. Firstly, I could not afford to. Secondly, even if I do have the money, my parents are definitely not open to the idea. Thirdly, if I have the money and my parents' consent... OH PLEASE, I would have made myself look a zillion times better than how I am now. So some of you may ask, why is it that I have parallel eyelids. I've mentioned this before, but since some of you are too lazy to find out the truth - Fyi, I am born with double eyelids to begin with, I just wanted to have parallel instead of tapered eyelids. And in case you're really sensitive about it, I'm not saying tapered's not nice... It's just personal preference. In case you don't know what I'm talking about...

So yeah, I tried using eyelid tapes for about 6 months in 2011, and miraculously, have permanent parallel lids since then. I think I'm really lucky. Why do I say so? Cos it doesn't work for everyone.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Are you insecure about your looks?
Yes I am, to a certain extent. I believe you would too, if you have a hundred people reminding you about your flaws every single day. But the thing is, I love myself. So I've accepted that's it's fine not to be perfect.
Do you think you're attention seeking?
Most ridiculous question ever. My question to you is, are you not? This is probably my millionth time saying this, but I think everyone seeks for attention. The only thing that differentiates each of us would be the miles we would travel for it. From a level of - I want attention to Kim Kardashian, it's just a matter of fact how much you want it. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you're doing something despicable, and harming someone to your own benefits. Besides, no matter how much I love it - It may sound ironic, but I hate unnecessary attention. I only like it when it's for something I worked hard to gain. If you know me well enough, I'm not the kind who would go nude just to get myself to where I want. (Just an example)
How do you deal with your haters?
I've been receiving nasty comments since the day I had a blog, in 2007. I've seen the worst, and it came to a point where it amuses me, because I actually get to find out things I didn't know about myself. I used to care so much, I would cry myself to bed on most nights and I even had issues stepping out of my house at a period of time. However, it took me years to realise how stupid it is to reciprocate to what people who don't me have to say, especially stories/rumours they fabricate. I'm fine with constructive criticisms because I've learnt to take it the positive way - Helping me to improve and get better. Of course it still pisses me off at times when I see untrue stuff about me circulated around by my haters, and I'd either ignore it (if it's nothing too serious) or address it, in other words, stand up for myself (if I find a need to.) And when I ignore it, I don't look at it in a way where I'm a coward or I admit to it - I just find it a waste of time to acknowledge the existence of these people, when most of them are just dying to get my response from their juvenile remarks. Yet when I retaliate, (which I rarely do these days) I only do so when something's getting out of hand. Like if it's tarnishing my reputation or sort. After all, I'm a girl. And I wouldn't "just ignore it" if it affects my name. If I don't stand up for myself, who would? Then again, I don't think that means I care about my haters - I just care about myself enough to want to shut your mouth. Besides, I can stop 1, 2 or 3 people from talking about me, but how many times can I do so? Fact is, you can't please everyone. So it's either you focus on what you have, or waste your life by dwelling on what you don't. And for those friends who decided to leave and hate me for what others have to say? Here's a big... THANK YOU. Haha, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have realised who my real friends were.
Do you think you deserve what you have now?
Honestly, I've always felt that I don't in a way, cos of how affected I used to be about what people have to say - "There are better looking people out there," "You are not good enough!" etc. However, I've came to a realisation that it's impossible to be the best. Cos there will always be someone better, no matter how good you think you are. And as long as I think I've done my best, I don't see why I don't deserve to be where I am today. I've worked so hard for the things I have, and it's not like everything I have is an overnight success. So too bad if you beg to differ and think that a) I'm only here due to my looks, which I think is completely senseless, cos if it was just about my looks, I wouldn't have been around after so long - Taking into consideration, the ever-rising number of good-looking people there are today. b) it's bcos of what I write, cos I definitely won't claim to be the best writer. Somehow it's still a mystery to me why people still read my blog until today. c) and it's probably cos you don't know me well enough. I definitely agree that someone out there deserves this so much more than I do, but I guess it's true that life's unfair, and I'm sorry I have no control over it.
Fan mails, personal questions, or need an advice?
Contact me at asknaomineo@gmail.com
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