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Confessions of a teen.
I'm That Bitch;
Tired of getting ditched.
It's just another lesson learnt.
I'm tired. Tired of drama. Tired of fake friends. Tired of being hated. Tired of rumours. Tired of love. Tired of everything that fucks me up so badly and it's starting to turn really dreadful. Apparently, it seems like I'm just tired of life.
In life, everyone come and go. NO ONE is ever gonna stay with you, forever. In fact, the word "forever" doesn't exist in my dictionary anymore. I used to think that there was such a thing as eternity, not anymore, after being let down by this crap promise time and again.
Most people's life (which includes mine), are treated like a hotel. People gets attracted to you, stayed a little while, create memories.... Soon, they get bored and... BAM!* leaving you to clean up all the mess ALONE. And yea, this damn cycle just repeats itself all the time. Fucked up ain't it.
I'm like any other teenager. I felt inferior, felt left out, felt that nobody cared, felt hurt, felt like ending my life before. It's life.
Today I'm gonna share with you guys about my life story since the age of 13th. Pretty much like a confession time actually. *Roll the drums* Yea, I've an atrocious, umpteen amount of people that has so many queries about my life and requests to blog about it. Aight, Ima suck your mind dry today with this explosive post, suckers. *boom boom boom*
I had my first official relationship two years back in January. Everything is still kinda fresh in my mind. I mean like, WHO THE HELL doesn't remember their first date, RIGHT?! It was approximately 2 weeks long or short... Ya la, pathetic much. And it took me some time to stand up from that fall... Cos after it ended, it came to my knowledge that I was actually cheated on the whole time... That guy already had a girlfriend before he was with me. Damn.
About 2 months later, I found a guy I loved the most throughout my entire 15 years of living. And I swear my life off and cross my heart, I used up every single tiny atom in my body to shower love to that dude. But I guess I'm fated to face failures in relationships...
Some of you might have read my entries back then, I was two timed like again... "This girl's born as a tragedy." LOL. Yea, the second time round traumatized me so OMG-ly, it really caused a huge impact in my life cos *AHEM* that girl happened to be my closest friend at that point of time. Besides that, he really hurt me like a g6 regarding other stuff. Hahaha, I must say I might have been an unreasonable girlfriend back then, and until today sensitivity still lies in me.. I'm like total bitch-ness when it comes to jealousy. Guys who dated me.. Yea you know I know.
If you don't love someone, just end the damn relationship, don't cheat on them.
Yea, and this is when I wish to confess and clear the doubt of whoever has been bugging me with this question since that year. I'm hereby gonna divulge that YES, I lost my virginity to that guy. It took me ages to come to this decision on disclosing this. As you guys know how sensitive this could be, considering every single repercussion I've to face upon admitting it..
I'm aware that a girl's reputation/image especially at my age, is like DAMN FUCKING HELL important. But, I'm really tired of listening to all the bullshit stories my haters fabricated. And I'm also conscious about how people's impressions towards me might change drastically... Whatever laaaa, so, I'm obviously prepared to hear the worst of people's insults or comments. Before you judge, let me elaborate on what exactly happened...
Like I mentioned previously, I really had a strong affection towards him, and I felt really insecure about our relationship so I was naive enough to think that this would prolly sustain his love for me. Well, ostensibly I was wrong about having that thought... As we only lasted for six months. Yes, honestly I did regret it terribly. And no, it's not entirely his fault, I admit I had a choice at that time.
Side note: I didn't freakin set him up, like how some smartass-wannabes rumoured about.
After we broke up, I took about a year and a half to get over this guy completely. I wouldn't deny, many others came in and out of my life which I thought I could replace him with and yes, I did hurt some of them realizing I couldn't forgo the past. But at the same time, I suffered pretty badly as well.
I had another 5 official relationships after him, and 3 were as bad, they weren't serious with me nor did their feelings endured any longer. Whereas, I let the other initial two down similarly due to my unforgettable past. *Sigh, karma perhaps.*
Don't you wish life was like iTunes? You can shuffle when you can't make up your mind. Pause, delete, stop, rewind & forward whenever you like?
That wasn't the end, last year that particular guy attempted so many times, to get back into my life. I swear, I hated him to the core as he left me over and over again each time he had me falling back for him. And every single time, the hurt was even deeper. Ha, I still remembered I was even accused for sabotaging his relationship with another girl during that time, which he was with for more than a year. I felt so sorry for her aftermath when she knew about it. After so long, I don't see why I should continue upholding this damn guilt for him anymore.
This incident always made me felt like a third-party, which LIKE HELLO, I DIDN'T even know they were together. I was also kept in the dark until I went to confront that girl myself. (Ignore this part if you don't get a shit.)
It doesn't matter whether I've moved on already or not. When I saw someone I once loved with someone else, I naturally feel the pinch.
Right, up till this point if any of you still hate me to your deepest extent and insist that I'm lying, I'm a filthy whore or I'm a fucked up bitch so be it. I've already said the worst, think of it, it's really pointless for me to hide anything else, isn't it? I'm not trying to get you all to buy my story, but it's up to you to determine whether I'm being truthful about whatever I've mentioned or not.
Many people actually detests me cos they think that I'm guy-crazy or in other words, desperate for guys. But NO, that has never been the case. I just wanted a guy I could rely on. Seriously, on the surface everyone "envies" or think how fortunate I am to have so many friends ONLINE, but to be honest, I don't think I have a single friend that I could depend on.
In fact, most of the time I'm on my own. Really. I broke down so many times, my fingers and toes could barely count them all... I questioned myself, reflected on what I've done wrong. Am I really not worth mixing with? Sometimes I really wish I've never existed, and I know all my haters would long for that day. *POP CHAMPAGNE, SET FIREWORKS.*
I'm afraid of being afraid to lose someone. Because that's when I know I'm starting to get attached.
Yes, when I was younger, I LOVED attention, I backstabbed people, I gossiped, I lied and everything bad you could ever think of. But I changed. I mean after all, these are usually what most girls tend to do when they're still immature right? Having that minset that it doesn't really matter as long as you feel shiok about bitching behind people's backs.
Yes, of course I still seek attention and stuff. But I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything despicable to hurt any of my friends. I'm a really complicated person with a complex life, I'm extremely emotional, and over-sensitive due to all the shit I've encountered and accumulating all the agony each time I hit rock bottom. Hence, people who knows only bits of my story always fail to understand me.
I'm cognizant that it's a really tough task to be my friend and boyfriend, as I'm always allowing my emotions to take control of me... Sigh. It sucks.
The funny thing about most girls, they gossip about each other, tell tales around, backstab and stuff, but can end up as best friends.
And that's the reason why I chose to write this entry today, to allow every single one of you reading, to at least comprehend a little of my tragic story. No, I'm definitely not trying to gain sympathy here. I just want my haters to make their judgement after listening to my part. I've been trying to please every single person in my life and I'm sick and tired of it. I must say, I tend to get easily affected by people's opinions towards me and that's why I always try my best to oblige to whatever people ask from me.
I can't possibly go to every single person to explain myself, so hopefully may this post allow most of you to see the vulnerable side of me. Yes, the truth's out. You guys can take sides now. I'm done, and yea I hope this is a closure. I think I've said enough, don't wanna strain your eyes too much. He he.
My life isn't as great as what you guys think, nor is worse than any of the less fortunates. I still count myself as one of the lucky ones and I appreciate myself for who I am. And deep down my heart I know that I've my awesome friends, lovely family and a really supportive bf. ♥ So after all, it doesn't really matter much if this is gonna ruin my image severely or whatsoever.
Love you all; Be it my friends or my dear haters. Peace xo
& I'm sorry if I ever hurt anyone throughout my entire life.
I sincerely seek for your forgiveness.
Miao's Bday @ Marina Barage!!!
Our positions are like awesome much.
Woah, yours truly, Mao's artwork.
Trip to Phuket in June. :)
Extraordinary fat in this pix, sigh I need to go on a diet man :(
Love my bbg supa dupa much. :)
Stupid nick face like monkey. LOL. National day celebrations~~
Supa yummy nomnoms!
God damn ultra fattening stuff. TT
Her hand like pasar malam the display hor. HAHA
OUTFIT FOR TODAY!! Aug 20th. Out to the city~
Heh, doesn't he look so exceptionally k3wt here?!
Labels: Rants
Confessions of a teen.
Sunday, August 21, 2011 | 4:58 AM | 2comments
I'm That Bitch;
Tired of getting ditched.
It's just another lesson learnt.
I'm tired. Tired of drama. Tired of fake friends. Tired of being hated. Tired of rumours. Tired of love. Tired of everything that fucks me up so badly and it's starting to turn really dreadful. Apparently, it seems like I'm just tired of life.
In life, everyone come and go. NO ONE is ever gonna stay with you, forever. In fact, the word "forever" doesn't exist in my dictionary anymore. I used to think that there was such a thing as eternity, not anymore, after being let down by this crap promise time and again.
Most people's life (which includes mine), are treated like a hotel. People gets attracted to you, stayed a little while, create memories.... Soon, they get bored and... BAM!* leaving you to clean up all the mess ALONE. And yea, this damn cycle just repeats itself all the time. Fucked up ain't it.
I'm like any other teenager. I felt inferior, felt left out, felt that nobody cared, felt hurt, felt like ending my life before. It's life.
Today I'm gonna share with you guys about my life story since the age of 13th. Pretty much like a confession time actually. *Roll the drums* Yea, I've an atrocious, umpteen amount of people that has so many queries about my life and requests to blog about it. Aight, Ima suck your mind dry today with this explosive post, suckers. *boom boom boom*
I had my first official relationship two years back in January. Everything is still kinda fresh in my mind. I mean like, WHO THE HELL doesn't remember their first date, RIGHT?! It was approximately 2 weeks long or short... Ya la, pathetic much. And it took me some time to stand up from that fall... Cos after it ended, it came to my knowledge that I was actually cheated on the whole time... That guy already had a girlfriend before he was with me. Damn.
About 2 months later, I found a guy I loved the most throughout my entire 15 years of living. And I swear my life off and cross my heart, I used up every single tiny atom in my body to shower love to that dude. But I guess I'm fated to face failures in relationships...
Some of you might have read my entries back then, I was two timed like again... "This girl's born as a tragedy." LOL. Yea, the second time round traumatized me so OMG-ly, it really caused a huge impact in my life cos *AHEM* that girl happened to be my closest friend at that point of time. Besides that, he really hurt me like a g6 regarding other stuff. Hahaha, I must say I might have been an unreasonable girlfriend back then, and until today sensitivity still lies in me.. I'm like total bitch-ness when it comes to jealousy. Guys who dated me.. Yea you know I know.
If you don't love someone, just end the damn relationship, don't cheat on them.
Yea, and this is when I wish to confess and clear the doubt of whoever has been bugging me with this question since that year. I'm hereby gonna divulge that YES, I lost my virginity to that guy. It took me ages to come to this decision on disclosing this. As you guys know how sensitive this could be, considering every single repercussion I've to face upon admitting it..
I'm aware that a girl's reputation/image especially at my age, is like DAMN FUCKING HELL important. But, I'm really tired of listening to all the bullshit stories my haters fabricated. And I'm also conscious about how people's impressions towards me might change drastically... Whatever laaaa, so, I'm obviously prepared to hear the worst of people's insults or comments. Before you judge, let me elaborate on what exactly happened...
Like I mentioned previously, I really had a strong affection towards him, and I felt really insecure about our relationship so I was naive enough to think that this would prolly sustain his love for me. Well, ostensibly I was wrong about having that thought... As we only lasted for six months. Yes, honestly I did regret it terribly. And no, it's not entirely his fault, I admit I had a choice at that time.
Side note: I didn't freakin set him up, like how some smartass-wannabes rumoured about.
After we broke up, I took about a year and a half to get over this guy completely. I wouldn't deny, many others came in and out of my life which I thought I could replace him with and yes, I did hurt some of them realizing I couldn't forgo the past. But at the same time, I suffered pretty badly as well.
I had another 5 official relationships after him, and 3 were as bad, they weren't serious with me nor did their feelings endured any longer. Whereas, I let the other initial two down similarly due to my unforgettable past. *Sigh, karma perhaps.*
Don't you wish life was like iTunes? You can shuffle when you can't make up your mind. Pause, delete, stop, rewind & forward whenever you like?
That wasn't the end, last year that particular guy attempted so many times, to get back into my life. I swear, I hated him to the core as he left me over and over again each time he had me falling back for him. And every single time, the hurt was even deeper. Ha, I still remembered I was even accused for sabotaging his relationship with another girl during that time, which he was with for more than a year. I felt so sorry for her aftermath when she knew about it. After so long, I don't see why I should continue upholding this damn guilt for him anymore.
This incident always made me felt like a third-party, which LIKE HELLO, I DIDN'T even know they were together. I was also kept in the dark until I went to confront that girl myself. (Ignore this part if you don't get a shit.)
It doesn't matter whether I've moved on already or not. When I saw someone I once loved with someone else, I naturally feel the pinch.
Right, up till this point if any of you still hate me to your deepest extent and insist that I'm lying, I'm a filthy whore or I'm a fucked up bitch so be it. I've already said the worst, think of it, it's really pointless for me to hide anything else, isn't it? I'm not trying to get you all to buy my story, but it's up to you to determine whether I'm being truthful about whatever I've mentioned or not.
Many people actually detests me cos they think that I'm guy-crazy or in other words, desperate for guys. But NO, that has never been the case. I just wanted a guy I could rely on. Seriously, on the surface everyone "envies" or think how fortunate I am to have so many friends ONLINE, but to be honest, I don't think I have a single friend that I could depend on.
In fact, most of the time I'm on my own. Really. I broke down so many times, my fingers and toes could barely count them all... I questioned myself, reflected on what I've done wrong. Am I really not worth mixing with? Sometimes I really wish I've never existed, and I know all my haters would long for that day. *POP CHAMPAGNE, SET FIREWORKS.*
I'm afraid of being afraid to lose someone. Because that's when I know I'm starting to get attached.
Yes, when I was younger, I LOVED attention, I backstabbed people, I gossiped, I lied and everything bad you could ever think of. But I changed. I mean after all, these are usually what most girls tend to do when they're still immature right? Having that minset that it doesn't really matter as long as you feel shiok about bitching behind people's backs.
Yes, of course I still seek attention and stuff. But I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything despicable to hurt any of my friends. I'm a really complicated person with a complex life, I'm extremely emotional, and over-sensitive due to all the shit I've encountered and accumulating all the agony each time I hit rock bottom. Hence, people who knows only bits of my story always fail to understand me.
I'm cognizant that it's a really tough task to be my friend and boyfriend, as I'm always allowing my emotions to take control of me... Sigh. It sucks.
The funny thing about most girls, they gossip about each other, tell tales around, backstab and stuff, but can end up as best friends.
And that's the reason why I chose to write this entry today, to allow every single one of you reading, to at least comprehend a little of my tragic story. No, I'm definitely not trying to gain sympathy here. I just want my haters to make their judgement after listening to my part. I've been trying to please every single person in my life and I'm sick and tired of it. I must say, I tend to get easily affected by people's opinions towards me and that's why I always try my best to oblige to whatever people ask from me.
I can't possibly go to every single person to explain myself, so hopefully may this post allow most of you to see the vulnerable side of me. Yes, the truth's out. You guys can take sides now. I'm done, and yea I hope this is a closure. I think I've said enough, don't wanna strain your eyes too much. He he.
My life isn't as great as what you guys think, nor is worse than any of the less fortunates. I still count myself as one of the lucky ones and I appreciate myself for who I am. And deep down my heart I know that I've my awesome friends, lovely family and a really supportive bf. ♥ So after all, it doesn't really matter much if this is gonna ruin my image severely or whatsoever.
Love you all; Be it my friends or my dear haters. Peace xo
& I'm sorry if I ever hurt anyone throughout my entire life.
I sincerely seek for your forgiveness.
Miao's Bday @ Marina Barage!!!
Our positions are like awesome much.
Woah, yours truly, Mao's artwork.
Trip to Phuket in June. :)
Extraordinary fat in this pix, sigh I need to go on a diet man :(
Love my bbg supa dupa much. :)
Stupid nick face like monkey. LOL. National day celebrations~~
Supa yummy nomnoms!
God damn ultra fattening stuff. TT
Her hand like pasar malam the display hor. HAHA
OUTFIT FOR TODAY!! Aug 20th. Out to the city~
Heh, doesn't he look so exceptionally k3wt here?!
Labels: Rants
ABOUT ME
Hey there! I share about anything and everything here. You can choose to leave, but I think you should get to know me a little more before you pass your judgement. Check out my FAQ section if it helps.
Who are you?
I'm Naomi, better known as Naomi Neo, and I'm born on the 25th of January 1996. I don't have any siblings, but I'm grateful to have the best parents in the world, who love me unconditionally, and a best friend Trixy who's been there for me for the past 5 years. Currently titled as the youngest "Celebrity Blogger" under my management, Gushcloud - With approximately 124k likes & followers on my Facebook profile and page, 80k followers on twitter and 116k on Instagram currently.
What are you known for?
Honestly, I've no idea what am I known for in majority's eyes, but here's what I presume and hope to be recognised for - I've been writing on all my social platforms since 2009, and got kind of known from writing my thoughts and views on Facebook. My first blog post that went viral was an entry dedicated to my good friend back then, titled "Mothers," in late 2010. Noticing the positive results, I decided to take blogging a little more seriously in 2011. Since then, I've been told that my posts were relatable and inspiring to many, which hence, got me to where I am today.
How well to do is your family? You seem rather spoilt.
I think I'm just average and if you think I'm wealthy rich and spoilt, you're so wrong. I mean yes, my parents do pamper me cos I'm the only child, but I've never taken their money since 2013. And I pay for all my clothes, accessories, make up and 90% of my daily necessities from the money I earn.
What are your stats?
I'm a UK 4 or 6, I've been stuck between 38kg - 40kg. Since I've never really talked about my height, you can deduce I'm exceptionally short and I'm not proud of it - So if you know it, good for you. If you don't, too bad I'm not revealing it. :p
Are you single?
Yes I am. My last relationship was in 2013, and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.
Do you photoshop your pictures?
No, I don't. Cos I honestly have no idea how to use that crazily complexed software. Ok, it's not very complicated I suppose. I'm just god damn lazy. I only use it to design my texts etc. However, I've been using PicMonkey to edit my pictures. Yeah I know, the main question's still back to whether I "beautify" myself or not. Er, I've no idea what's up with people constantly harping on this issue. The last time I claimed that I don't, was probably in 2012 (which I really didn't back then) But along the way, I figured it was necessary to "upgrade" myself and learn how to. If I can't do plastic surgery, at least make my pictures look chio what. If you know how to, question is, WHY NOT? And, don't you guys wanna see nice pictures too?!?! However I'd like to emphasise that - I do not beautify myself in all my pictures. I only do so when I feel the need to. And 3/4 of the time, I only make adjustments to my gigantic, elephant legs WHICH I admit, I'm very insecure about. So don't tell me my legs are damn nice la, cos some pictures are deceiving. Anyway, I've tons of videos everywhere... Judge for yourself?
Did you have any plastic surgery done?
No I didn't. Firstly, I could not afford to. Secondly, even if I do have the money, my parents are definitely not open to the idea. Thirdly, if I have the money and my parents' consent... OH PLEASE, I would have made myself look a zillion times better than how I am now. So some of you may ask, why is it that I have parallel eyelids. I've mentioned this before, but since some of you are too lazy to find out the truth - Fyi, I am born with double eyelids to begin with, I just wanted to have parallel instead of tapered eyelids. And in case you're really sensitive about it, I'm not saying tapered's not nice... It's just personal preference. In case you don't know what I'm talking about...
So yeah, I tried using eyelid tapes for about 6 months in 2011, and miraculously, have permanent parallel lids since then. I think I'm really lucky. Why do I say so? Cos it doesn't work for everyone.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Are you insecure about your looks?
Yes I am, to a certain extent. I believe you would too, if you have a hundred people reminding you about your flaws every single day. But the thing is, I love myself. So I've accepted that's it's fine not to be perfect.
Do you think you're attention seeking?
Most ridiculous question ever. My question to you is, are you not? This is probably my millionth time saying this, but I think everyone seeks for attention. The only thing that differentiates each of us would be the miles we would travel for it. From a level of - I want attention to Kim Kardashian, it's just a matter of fact how much you want it. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you're doing something despicable, and harming someone to your own benefits. Besides, no matter how much I love it - It may sound ironic, but I hate unnecessary attention. I only like it when it's for something I worked hard to gain. If you know me well enough, I'm not the kind who would go nude just to get myself to where I want. (Just an example)
How do you deal with your haters?
I've been receiving nasty comments since the day I had a blog, in 2007. I've seen the worst, and it came to a point where it amuses me, because I actually get to find out things I didn't know about myself. I used to care so much, I would cry myself to bed on most nights and I even had issues stepping out of my house at a period of time. However, it took me years to realise how stupid it is to reciprocate to what people who don't me have to say, especially stories/rumours they fabricate. I'm fine with constructive criticisms because I've learnt to take it the positive way - Helping me to improve and get better. Of course it still pisses me off at times when I see untrue stuff about me circulated around by my haters, and I'd either ignore it (if it's nothing too serious) or address it, in other words, stand up for myself (if I find a need to.) And when I ignore it, I don't look at it in a way where I'm a coward or I admit to it - I just find it a waste of time to acknowledge the existence of these people, when most of them are just dying to get my response from their juvenile remarks. Yet when I retaliate, (which I rarely do these days) I only do so when something's getting out of hand. Like if it's tarnishing my reputation or sort. After all, I'm a girl. And I wouldn't "just ignore it" if it affects my name. If I don't stand up for myself, who would? Then again, I don't think that means I care about my haters - I just care about myself enough to want to shut your mouth. Besides, I can stop 1, 2 or 3 people from talking about me, but how many times can I do so? Fact is, you can't please everyone. So it's either you focus on what you have, or waste your life by dwelling on what you don't. And for those friends who decided to leave and hate me for what others have to say? Here's a big... THANK YOU. Haha, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have realised who my real friends were.
Do you think you deserve what you have now?
Honestly, I've always felt that I don't in a way, cos of how affected I used to be about what people have to say - "There are better looking people out there," "You are not good enough!" etc. However, I've came to a realisation that it's impossible to be the best. Cos there will always be someone better, no matter how good you think you are. And as long as I think I've done my best, I don't see why I don't deserve to be where I am today. I've worked so hard for the things I have, and it's not like everything I have is an overnight success. So too bad if you beg to differ and think that a) I'm only here due to my looks, which I think is completely senseless, cos if it was just about my looks, I wouldn't have been around after so long - Taking into consideration, the ever-rising number of good-looking people there are today. b) it's bcos of what I write, cos I definitely won't claim to be the best writer. Somehow it's still a mystery to me why people still read my blog until today. c) and it's probably cos you don't know me well enough. I definitely agree that someone out there deserves this so much more than I do, but I guess it's true that life's unfair, and I'm sorry I have no control over it.
Fan mails, personal questions, or need an advice?
Contact me at asknaomineo@gmail.com
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