It's really funny how in the past, the both of us could hardly see eye to eye on so many things, and it was almost impossible to watch a day go by without us fighting till our last gasp. I find it amazing how forbearing and altruistic of a person you are, especially when it comes to me. Despite the number of times I broke your heart, you continued to endure all the pain and sufferings with great fortitude. I'm only here today because you've never given up on me, a choice you could've easily chosen to lessen the weight of the world you bore on your shoulders. I thank you for that.

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I believe I've mentioned this somewhere in one of my earlier posts, that I used to be a little boy-crazy in the past, and every guy I dated meant the WORLD to me. Yeah, it sounds rather imbecile, especially with my age back then. And despite how much my parents objected, I'd continue to rebel and stick with whichever guy at that time. Just thinking of the number of times I hurt my mom, it literally overwhelms my soul with guilt. It's hard to believe that, for that one guy who treated me like trash, and also disregarded my parents, he's actually the person I gave everything up for... Including my perfect family. That was when I first witnessed my mom shedding tears for the mistakes I've done, however, I didn't change. It took me 4 years to realise something, the unconditional love my mom has towards me.

It wasn't until my last relationship, where I got my heart so shattered, where I lied on the floor crying for three, good hours. My mom stood there and watched me, and what took me by surprise was, as she saw how broken I was, tears started welling up in her eyes as well.

The weeks that followed were the toughest period of my life. I woke up and slept crying, and my mom was there for me. She was the only one who was there. I'd text her at ungodly hours and no matter how tired she was, or whether she had work the next day... She'll drag herself out of bed, come to my bedroom just to listen to me, advise me with patience and wipe my tears off my face.

I finally realised that she was the only one who genuinely cared when everyone around was just concerned about what happened.

That's when everything changed, and that's how she became like my best friend.

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This coming Mother's Day leaves me with a heavy heart. My grandmother, who's been around for close to a century, has recently been admitted to the ICU department during the time when I was having my examinations. I was hardly there for my mom when she was struggling and needed me, for I was so busy dealing with my studies. My conscience bit me, but I told myself that I should work extra hard so that my parents would be able to retire early and lead a better life, with less worries.

It was such a painful sight to watch her cry to me, and what's worse was that there was nothing I could do to help.

The condition of my grandmother has been pretty unstable, and I know my mom's been caught between the decision to let her go, or to just hang on to that hope that things will get better.

This made me reflect a lot, and has also made me realise how much I'm afraid to lose my mom.

You never know when someone's gonna walk out of your life.

Remembering the times I've spent arguing with her, going against her, and driving her nuts... I wish I actually used those time to learn my mistakes, listen to her needs and to be a better daughter instead.

We've all found our mothers annoying at some point of our lives before, but we'd probably miss their presence if they are no longer around.

 Time lost, can never be regained. Always remember that as you're growing older, she's actually ageing too.

You don't have to wait till Mother's Day to be that filial child, no matter how much you dislike your mom at times, bear in mind that you wouldn't have been around if it wasn't for her. Don't allow that 9 months of pain to go in vain.

I hope grandma would get better, cos I really miss seeing that smile on your face. I'm sorry for all the pain I've brought you and thank you for all the sacrifices you've made, and for everything you've given to me, especially my life. Please promise to stay strong no matter what happens, because I can't imagine my life without you around. I love you mom.

Happy Mother's Day.