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Someone like you.
I may look happy, but that's only what you see.
It's 2.50 am now and yea I'm still wide awake. I haven't spoke about how I felt nor write a relatively long entry for quite awhile and I don't usually express how I feel in this manner but... I don't know who to confide in this time... So I'm just gonna pour out all my shit here.
I've been extremely stressed and devastated lately because I'm receiving so much pressure from everyone and I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions...
I guess partially it probably started off all because of the fact that I just lost someone really important to me lately and nothing seems to go in my way since then. The worst part is, all these feelings that I've been bottling up, I can never express it to anyone as no one will ever understand.
Even if they do, they'd just tell me all sorts of annoying advices which I'm already sick and tired of listening to.
I could in the past, to you. But after since you walked out of my life, I felt so lost. I felt like I've lost my pillar of strength and support.
And two of the things that really hurts... First is when no one realizes that behind those smiles you hang on your face, you're actually tearing apart deep inside and the second is when the person you're hurting so much for, doesn't even give a flying f*ck about the situation.
No, I'm not complaining about how much life sucks. I just feel like I've already hit rock bottom so many times... And they said that's when a rebound will occur and life would be better. But it never seems to me that it will ever happen. At least not now or anytime soon.
And when I say I've no one, I don't literally mean that I've no one who cares for me. Obviously I know there are still people out there who will always be willing to be there for me... But what I want most is for those people I care for, to reciprocate.
It sucks when you're putting in an endless amount of effort on people who don't even know how to appreciate you. Sometimes it just feels like I'm showing a nicely drawn piece of artwork to a blindman.
Everyone thinks that having thousands and millions of subscribers or followers are such a big deal and they'd do anything to gain them.
Yes, obviously I understand where that thrill is coming from. However, if I had to make a choice between having a few true friends and a thousand of people online who I barely even know and not forgetting their motives behind speaking to me... and if they had any hidden agendas.
I will definitely choose the first, having a few true friends.
Just like money, when it comes to fame... The more you have it, the more you'd have to fear about everything and everyone around you and soon, you'd find yourself becoming really skeptical towards everything.
Because you'd start to realize that most of the people who approach you, have really bad intentions. It certainly doesn't feel good at all.
This year marks the year which I've lost the most friends.
So many friends who I barely speak to in the past or even those who discriminated me, who think I'm never gonna fit in their league, suddenly appear out of the blue and started conversations with me again...
What sucks most is when you're only remembered, like you finally existed, only when they need a favour.
And one really bad habit that I possess is, I have a difficulty in rejecting people because I care a lot about how they'd feel. Hence, even if it's gonna be a pain in the ass to do certain things for them, I'd just swallow it down cos I feel obliged to.
And it sucks, because everyone takes for granted of it.
I feel like a fool sometimes, I don't think I'm nice. I just think I never had the courage to voice out how I feel and I don't think I ever will.
I hate being emotional, but can I help it? I can't. Especially when no one's there to listen and the only place you could at least lash it all out is probably on twitter? But neither can I anymore cos everyone judges the hell out of me there.
Alright, I'm not gonna talk a whole load of crap on what I just mentioned in the last paragraph.
To keep myself all happy, I've been trying to avoid how I really feel and the problems that are causing a huge hindrance to my life now... But I know there will be a time where I'd be forced to face and deal with them.
Even though people say that we just gotta move on, sometimes it's still easier said than done...
Everyone talks about how easy it is to do this and that when they've never even been in your shoes before. Sometimes I just feel like getting it straight thru their head, "YOU ARE NOT ME, it's not easy!"
Oh well...
I just miss how life was back then when everything was just so simple.
I just wanna be happy. Dear September, please let me be.
.
.
.
Pictures taken over the past few weeks/days.
P/s, I miss you so badly. I wish you knew.
Labels: Dear Diary, Pictures
Someone like you.
Saturday, August 25, 2012 | 3:31 AM | 1comments
I may look happy, but that's only what you see.
It's 2.50 am now and yea I'm still wide awake. I haven't spoke about how I felt nor write a relatively long entry for quite awhile and I don't usually express how I feel in this manner but... I don't know who to confide in this time... So I'm just gonna pour out all my shit here.
I've been extremely stressed and devastated lately because I'm receiving so much pressure from everyone and I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions...
I guess partially it probably started off all because of the fact that I just lost someone really important to me lately and nothing seems to go in my way since then. The worst part is, all these feelings that I've been bottling up, I can never express it to anyone as no one will ever understand.
Even if they do, they'd just tell me all sorts of annoying advices which I'm already sick and tired of listening to.
I could in the past, to you. But after since you walked out of my life, I felt so lost. I felt like I've lost my pillar of strength and support.
And two of the things that really hurts... First is when no one realizes that behind those smiles you hang on your face, you're actually tearing apart deep inside and the second is when the person you're hurting so much for, doesn't even give a flying f*ck about the situation.
No, I'm not complaining about how much life sucks. I just feel like I've already hit rock bottom so many times... And they said that's when a rebound will occur and life would be better. But it never seems to me that it will ever happen. At least not now or anytime soon.
And when I say I've no one, I don't literally mean that I've no one who cares for me. Obviously I know there are still people out there who will always be willing to be there for me... But what I want most is for those people I care for, to reciprocate.
It sucks when you're putting in an endless amount of effort on people who don't even know how to appreciate you. Sometimes it just feels like I'm showing a nicely drawn piece of artwork to a blindman.
Everyone thinks that having thousands and millions of subscribers or followers are such a big deal and they'd do anything to gain them.
Yes, obviously I understand where that thrill is coming from. However, if I had to make a choice between having a few true friends and a thousand of people online who I barely even know and not forgetting their motives behind speaking to me... and if they had any hidden agendas.
I will definitely choose the first, having a few true friends.
Just like money, when it comes to fame... The more you have it, the more you'd have to fear about everything and everyone around you and soon, you'd find yourself becoming really skeptical towards everything.
Because you'd start to realize that most of the people who approach you, have really bad intentions. It certainly doesn't feel good at all.
This year marks the year which I've lost the most friends.
So many friends who I barely speak to in the past or even those who discriminated me, who think I'm never gonna fit in their league, suddenly appear out of the blue and started conversations with me again...
What sucks most is when you're only remembered, like you finally existed, only when they need a favour.
And one really bad habit that I possess is, I have a difficulty in rejecting people because I care a lot about how they'd feel. Hence, even if it's gonna be a pain in the ass to do certain things for them, I'd just swallow it down cos I feel obliged to.
And it sucks, because everyone takes for granted of it.
I feel like a fool sometimes, I don't think I'm nice. I just think I never had the courage to voice out how I feel and I don't think I ever will.
I hate being emotional, but can I help it? I can't. Especially when no one's there to listen and the only place you could at least lash it all out is probably on twitter? But neither can I anymore cos everyone judges the hell out of me there.
Alright, I'm not gonna talk a whole load of crap on what I just mentioned in the last paragraph.
To keep myself all happy, I've been trying to avoid how I really feel and the problems that are causing a huge hindrance to my life now... But I know there will be a time where I'd be forced to face and deal with them.
Even though people say that we just gotta move on, sometimes it's still easier said than done...
Everyone talks about how easy it is to do this and that when they've never even been in your shoes before. Sometimes I just feel like getting it straight thru their head, "YOU ARE NOT ME, it's not easy!"
Oh well...
I just miss how life was back then when everything was just so simple.
I just wanna be happy. Dear September, please let me be.
.
.
.
Pictures taken over the past few weeks/days.
P/s, I miss you so badly. I wish you knew.
Labels: Dear Diary, Pictures
ABOUT ME
Hey there! I share about anything and everything here. You can choose to leave, but I think you should get to know me a little more before you pass your judgement. Check out my FAQ section if it helps.
Who are you?
I'm Naomi, better known as Naomi Neo, and I'm born on the 25th of January 1996. I don't have any siblings, but I'm grateful to have the best parents in the world, who love me unconditionally, and a best friend Trixy who's been there for me for the past 5 years. Currently titled as the youngest "Celebrity Blogger" under my management, Gushcloud - With approximately 124k likes & followers on my Facebook profile and page, 80k followers on twitter and 116k on Instagram currently.
What are you known for?
Honestly, I've no idea what am I known for in majority's eyes, but here's what I presume and hope to be recognised for - I've been writing on all my social platforms since 2009, and got kind of known from writing my thoughts and views on Facebook. My first blog post that went viral was an entry dedicated to my good friend back then, titled "Mothers," in late 2010. Noticing the positive results, I decided to take blogging a little more seriously in 2011. Since then, I've been told that my posts were relatable and inspiring to many, which hence, got me to where I am today.
How well to do is your family? You seem rather spoilt.
I think I'm just average and if you think I'm wealthy rich and spoilt, you're so wrong. I mean yes, my parents do pamper me cos I'm the only child, but I've never taken their money since 2013. And I pay for all my clothes, accessories, make up and 90% of my daily necessities from the money I earn.
What are your stats?
I'm a UK 4 or 6, I've been stuck between 38kg - 40kg. Since I've never really talked about my height, you can deduce I'm exceptionally short and I'm not proud of it - So if you know it, good for you. If you don't, too bad I'm not revealing it. :p
Are you single?
Yes I am. My last relationship was in 2013, and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.
Do you photoshop your pictures?
No, I don't. Cos I honestly have no idea how to use that crazily complexed software. Ok, it's not very complicated I suppose. I'm just god damn lazy. I only use it to design my texts etc. However, I've been using PicMonkey to edit my pictures. Yeah I know, the main question's still back to whether I "beautify" myself or not. Er, I've no idea what's up with people constantly harping on this issue. The last time I claimed that I don't, was probably in 2012 (which I really didn't back then) But along the way, I figured it was necessary to "upgrade" myself and learn how to. If I can't do plastic surgery, at least make my pictures look chio what. If you know how to, question is, WHY NOT? And, don't you guys wanna see nice pictures too?!?! However I'd like to emphasise that - I do not beautify myself in all my pictures. I only do so when I feel the need to. And 3/4 of the time, I only make adjustments to my gigantic, elephant legs WHICH I admit, I'm very insecure about. So don't tell me my legs are damn nice la, cos some pictures are deceiving. Anyway, I've tons of videos everywhere... Judge for yourself?
Did you have any plastic surgery done?
No I didn't. Firstly, I could not afford to. Secondly, even if I do have the money, my parents are definitely not open to the idea. Thirdly, if I have the money and my parents' consent... OH PLEASE, I would have made myself look a zillion times better than how I am now. So some of you may ask, why is it that I have parallel eyelids. I've mentioned this before, but since some of you are too lazy to find out the truth - Fyi, I am born with double eyelids to begin with, I just wanted to have parallel instead of tapered eyelids. And in case you're really sensitive about it, I'm not saying tapered's not nice... It's just personal preference. In case you don't know what I'm talking about...
So yeah, I tried using eyelid tapes for about 6 months in 2011, and miraculously, have permanent parallel lids since then. I think I'm really lucky. Why do I say so? Cos it doesn't work for everyone.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Don't you think it's better to be natural?
Unfortunately, not everyone's blessed with natural beauty. And even though I've never claimed to be ugly, I've never claimed to be pretty by nature either. I won't deny I've been rather extravagant when it comes to the amount of money I spend on things to beautify my physical appearance, cos sadly, it is important to look good in this society today. You can read more on my views about physical appearance (here). And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look good or better. Everybody wants to. If you tell me you value natural beauty, I'm cool with it, but if you tell me about your self-righteous logic on how it's wrong to enhance your appearance... Fuck you, go marry a plant since you like it natural.
Are you insecure about your looks?
Yes I am, to a certain extent. I believe you would too, if you have a hundred people reminding you about your flaws every single day. But the thing is, I love myself. So I've accepted that's it's fine not to be perfect.
Do you think you're attention seeking?
Most ridiculous question ever. My question to you is, are you not? This is probably my millionth time saying this, but I think everyone seeks for attention. The only thing that differentiates each of us would be the miles we would travel for it. From a level of - I want attention to Kim Kardashian, it's just a matter of fact how much you want it. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with it unless you're doing something despicable, and harming someone to your own benefits. Besides, no matter how much I love it - It may sound ironic, but I hate unnecessary attention. I only like it when it's for something I worked hard to gain. If you know me well enough, I'm not the kind who would go nude just to get myself to where I want. (Just an example)
How do you deal with your haters?
I've been receiving nasty comments since the day I had a blog, in 2007. I've seen the worst, and it came to a point where it amuses me, because I actually get to find out things I didn't know about myself. I used to care so much, I would cry myself to bed on most nights and I even had issues stepping out of my house at a period of time. However, it took me years to realise how stupid it is to reciprocate to what people who don't me have to say, especially stories/rumours they fabricate. I'm fine with constructive criticisms because I've learnt to take it the positive way - Helping me to improve and get better. Of course it still pisses me off at times when I see untrue stuff about me circulated around by my haters, and I'd either ignore it (if it's nothing too serious) or address it, in other words, stand up for myself (if I find a need to.) And when I ignore it, I don't look at it in a way where I'm a coward or I admit to it - I just find it a waste of time to acknowledge the existence of these people, when most of them are just dying to get my response from their juvenile remarks. Yet when I retaliate, (which I rarely do these days) I only do so when something's getting out of hand. Like if it's tarnishing my reputation or sort. After all, I'm a girl. And I wouldn't "just ignore it" if it affects my name. If I don't stand up for myself, who would? Then again, I don't think that means I care about my haters - I just care about myself enough to want to shut your mouth. Besides, I can stop 1, 2 or 3 people from talking about me, but how many times can I do so? Fact is, you can't please everyone. So it's either you focus on what you have, or waste your life by dwelling on what you don't. And for those friends who decided to leave and hate me for what others have to say? Here's a big... THANK YOU. Haha, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have realised who my real friends were.
Do you think you deserve what you have now?
Honestly, I've always felt that I don't in a way, cos of how affected I used to be about what people have to say - "There are better looking people out there," "You are not good enough!" etc. However, I've came to a realisation that it's impossible to be the best. Cos there will always be someone better, no matter how good you think you are. And as long as I think I've done my best, I don't see why I don't deserve to be where I am today. I've worked so hard for the things I have, and it's not like everything I have is an overnight success. So too bad if you beg to differ and think that a) I'm only here due to my looks, which I think is completely senseless, cos if it was just about my looks, I wouldn't have been around after so long - Taking into consideration, the ever-rising number of good-looking people there are today. b) it's bcos of what I write, cos I definitely won't claim to be the best writer. Somehow it's still a mystery to me why people still read my blog until today. c) and it's probably cos you don't know me well enough. I definitely agree that someone out there deserves this so much more than I do, but I guess it's true that life's unfair, and I'm sorry I have no control over it.
Fan mails, personal questions, or need an advice?
Contact me at asknaomineo@gmail.com
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